Last night I had a guy twice my size come up to me to sell me some donuts for "the church"...right...as I was getting out of my car at a store. I handed him a few dollars and quickly went to the store, because he made me very uncomfortable.

Upon leaving the store an hour later, when it was completely dark and there weren't many people in the parking lot, I checked to make sure he wasn't there, and after confirming he wasn't, started heading towards my car. I had the feeling someone was behind me, so I almost ran the rest of the way to my car and locked myself in. I looked out the window, and he was standing by my door again.

It scared me half to death.
I just pulled out of the parking lot as fast as I could...and texted my friend whom I had called in the store to tell what had happened. She immediately called me, at which point it all really hit me and I had a slight hysterical fit...and then I was okay again.
The really scary part is that I had a dream with almost the exact same situation not long ago..only in the dream my car wouldn't lock and he got in and held me at gun point.
The guy in my dream even looked like this guy.

And to top it off I had been running a fever all week and still was at the time this happened.

And that, is the crazy thing that happened to me.

So I realized it's been around 6 months since I updated my journal.
I pretty much put all my thoughts on facebook...so I don't think about updating this, haha.

But anyway, let's see...

I've been single for a while now, while I enjoyed my last relationship...I'm good with being single for now. I have incredible people in my life, I don't feel the need for a relationship at the moment.

I've become a lot closer to God over the summer. I'm aware not everyone believes the same way I do, but for me, He's my reason for living. The more I center my life around Him, the clearer things become, and the easier it is for me to set my focus on the things that matter.

If you read my last journal, I mentioned having gallstones, and that I was waiting on surgery to have my gallbladder removed. After 5 agonizing months, I finally got my surgery!
It went really well and I had a fast recovery...mainly because I refused to put everything on hold for longer than 2 days...so pain killers were my friend for the first week or so, haha. Since I was forced to cut caffeine out of my diet while waiting on the surgery, I no longer have an addiction to it, and it's great

I'm now a full time nanny, and I love it.
The family I work for is amazing, I feel loved and appreciated. It's an incredible thing to be trusted with young lives, and to have the opportunity to watch them develop and have a part in their development. On top of all that, they pay me well, and have even given me paid vacation.
I love being part of their family, and look forward to having my own someday.

I'll be 20 next month...while that's still young, I feel really old lately. I've taken on a lot of responsibilities, and had a few put on me...haha. I'm definitely not complaining though, my life is full, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've wanted a hamster for around 4 years now..as ridiculous as that sounds. But I'm getting one for my birthday, and this fills me with joy
I originally wanted a dwarf hamster, but I'm thinking I'll go with a normal sized one now.
I'm taking name suggestions

Thanksgiving is almost here, and Christmas is quickly approaching, this is my favorite time of the year, and I'm excited it's finally here.

My life is full, and I feel blessed.

Hmm...I haven't really done much of anything on here in a while.
The reason being...I just don't.
I do check it at least every other today to look at everybody's stuff...you guys are awesome btw.

Let's see...Mary's life...

I'm at a standstill on what to do with the rest of my life...I do not enjoy.
I think too much...so any and all possibilities that cross my mind are tucked away until I have enough time to thoroughly think it over...at which point, I almost always decide against it.

My boyfriend was here last month for a while, it was fantastic seeing and being with him of course.

My laptop is old and dying, so I'm pretty much just waiting until I have to bury it...at which point, I just won't have a computer for a while.

I experienced the worst pain of my life about a month ago, and during the ER visit that followed found out I have gallstones, and now have to have my gallbladder removed.
However, I'm considered stable enough it can wait for financial papers to be filed, so I can't eat much of anything without setting off another attack, and they continue to put off the surgery...I just love hospitals.
On the bright side, as a result of not being able to eat much of anything, I've lost about 20 pounds over the past month, woo.

Hmm...I've been working for an awesome family watching their kids while the parents are at work...the kids are all pretty young and demand full attention constantly so it's pretty tiring...but all in all I love it, and feel appreciated and loved
Unfortunately, unless the mom gets a full time job soon, thus making my job with them full time, I'm not making enough money and I need to find something else.
Hopefully, I can get another part time job and work them both.

There's a little glimpse into my life...the whole gallbladder thing prevents a lot from happening, but not much I can do about that.
So, there it is...an update.
Maybe I'll upload new stuff sometime...maybe...

"Why the world is doomed"



I was once told I think outside of the box.

That statement confused me greatly.

I began trying to figure out how one thinks inside of a box, at which point I realized, I have no box.

I searched and searched for my box...but it was in vain.

I still have no box.

This saddens me.

How am I ever supposed to think inside of the box if I don't have one?

Am I forever doomed to random thoughts that float around freely in my mind?

Why should my mind be denied the comfortable confines of a box?

I've tried to figure out why I don't have a box, and I think I have an answer.

When I was 3 I busted my head open.

You could see straight to my skull.

Somewhere in the process of getting me to the hospital and sewing up my head, my box must have fallen out.

Nobody noticed because all concern was focused on making sure I was ok.

So my box must have fallen out somewhere between my house and the hospital.

Since I was only 3 at the time, it was probably very small and was easily lost.

But the thought that still plagues me...is what if someone else found my box and is using it?

What if I left a few thoughts in it?

Now someone else has my thoughts in their head. And that my friend, is a very scary thought.

If my thoughts are crazy now after I've somewhat learned how to control them, I can only imagine what they were like when I was 3.

Completely uninhibited random thoughts.

Out there somewhere.

The world as we know it, is doomed.

PERSONAL SURVEY

Did you have a happy childhood?
for the most part.

When do you tell white lies? Tell us one.
i used to a lot...but i really think it's better to just say the truth up front.

The most capable person in your country?
no clue.

Favourite author?
J.R.R. Tolkien

Proudest moment?
winning 1st for my short story 2 years in a row...or the first time my big brother played his guitar and sang in front of a big group of people

Worst moment?
hearing the doctor say my dad was gone

Most hated song/music at the moment?
i don't know

The last piece of music you bought?
no clue

Were you good at school?
yeah

The greatest influence on you? (parents, friends ...)
my friends for sure

Current bedside reading material?
as of right now...only my bible is by my bed. working on cleaning everything up

Where will you go when you die?
heaven.

What do you admire most about yourself?
saying i admire something about myself makes me feel conceited...but i like the fact that i'm honest.

One of your main faults?
i stress and take it out on other people...especially my fam, and that isn't fair

A small crime you once committed? (anything at all)
speeding...lol

Music you would like played at your funeral?
i want something happy that will make people realize that they don't have to be sad...i lived